What's your way of showing love?

The five love languages and what they really mean.

Forty years ago, Gary Chapman, a renowned marriage counsellor of 20 years came to the conclusion that people expressed their love in various ways. This conclusion became the backbone for when he wrote his famous book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Since then, the book has sold over 9 million copies and has been translated into 32 different languages. The concepts of these love languages have changed quite a bit since he wrote the book but their essence and basic structures remain the same.

There are five love languages; Words of Affirmation, Quality time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Words of affirmation are all about verbal acknowledgement and affection. A person with Words of Affirmation as their love language prefers frequent compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement and digital or written affirmations. Quality time is all about..well you guessed it! Quality time. That means taking a couple minutes or hours of your busy day to spend time with the person you love. People whose love language is quality time adore your full presence, eye contact and whenever you prioritize spending time with them. People whose love language is Receiving Gifts, adore gifts, no matter big or small. The gift doesn't have to be expensive, but rather a symbol of your love and affection for the person. In this case, the thought is all that counts. Acts of service is all about helping out. People whose love language is Acts of service value when you go out of your way to help them out. Last but not least, Physical Touch includes, cuddling, massages, kissing, holding hands and in some cases sex.

However, there are two sides to each love language, the receiving side and the expressing side. The way we like to receive love has often been argued to originate from our early childhood. If your parents seldom told you they loved you, or complimented you, it is believed that you’ll have Words of Affirmation as your love language. If you never received hugs or kisses from your family, you’ll likely have Physical Touch, and so on. The expressed love language is believed to be the love language you witnessed the most as a youngling. If your parents often bought you gifts after each and every fight, to show their love, you might believe that showering someone with gifts is the correct way to love them and therefore have Receiving Gifts as your love language. One thing to note is that there have not been any official science experiments regarding the reason for our love languages however, one thing is certain and that is the way you like to receive love is not necessarily the way you express love.

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It is important to respect, listen and adjust other people’s love language(s). Just because someone tells you that they have physical touch as their love language, doesn’t entitle you to demand cuddles, kisses or sex from them. If their love language is quality time, you aren’t entitled to force them into spending time with you if they don’t have time or just don’t want to and so on. Respect is key. It might take a while before you figure out someone’s love language and your own as well, and that’s fine. The main thing to remember is that love languages aren’t set in stone, listen to your partner, parent, sibling, family member or friend and RESPECT THEM.